Still can't get over this fucking movie. Just watched it again for the 30th or so time the other night and it only gets funnier to me. Alan is a truly amazing character which honestly seems as if it was meant only to confuse. Clearly targeted towards those with a specific type of sense of humor who might not mind an absolute shit show replacing the "real" sequel we all originally expected.

Pathetic, dim-witted, fat boy with a tiny nose just wa... Continue »

Bob Clark made his fair share of trashy movies, but he also did family movies. The original 1983 Christmas Story is pretty popular, as it should be. It's a Christmas classic, which makes it hard to top. They did a few indirect sequels I've never seen, as well as a DTV and fully-recast 2012 sequel that nobody watched, and now a real sequel. "Real" because it features the original cast, albeit with one mild recast. The mother from the original is retired, so they threw in Julie Hagerty, who... Continue »

Are you making a Syfy channel movie, an Asylum movie, a Hallmark channel movie, or something far worse, and you need a leading man? Look no further, for Casper Van Dien is your man! A published poet at 17. People Magazine's "Sexiest Soap Star" of 2000. The 20th Tarzan. An extra in a couple episodes of Saved by the Bell. He has what it takes.

In his 140+ acting credits, he certainly made his fair share of bullshit. He's done movies about... Continue »

Ready to get an early start on Christmas horror? This is a good place to start!

A boy is depressed, losing his Christmas spirit, and that's when all hell breaks loose. Well, not right away, but after his grandma tells him a spooky tale.

It's the slow-burn type, so the 1st half is all talk, but the second half is quite special. It surprisingly worked, despite some offbeat casting, such as that manager guy from Waiting. In any case, stay tuned for that ending! 7/10

Klaus Kinski plays a psycho landlord who spies on his female tenants through the air vents. Then he abducts them to put them through his torture devices. He's a Nazi, so that should explain enough about this doctor's anatomical curiosities.

Naturally, Klaus makes for a great villain because he was obviously a bit psychotic in real life. He reminds me of an old co-worker of mine. Not because my co-worker was a psycho Nazi, but because they're both old gray-haired men. Pretty loose logic there, b... Continue »

I know what you're thinking. "What a dumb title!" I thought so, too, the first time I saw it at a dollar store. But these days, a lot of horror films have dumb titles. Compelling horror titles are a thing of the past.

So, I kept putting it off, and I eventually caved in. I was really surprised! Not only did it have great suspense, it also had great performances from all the main characters (which I wasn't expecting).

Yeah, as the plotline says, it's about a dame who keeps trying to marry,... Continue »

This is my first post since 2019, I believe.

I almost forgot how to make a thread. I used to be Soapbox_Qustodian. Anyway, glad to be back. Not sure about those monthly challenges, though, not really my thing. Just glad to be back.

It may be a turkey, but this tale of space madness is actually kind of interesting. Two men are on a mission to reach the end of the universe. That can't end well, can it? Pretty early into the movie, Casper Van Dien dies in a freak accident, so it's only one guy left to carry on, and what happens next gets pretty confusing.

The story is non-linear, so Casper is still in a lot of it (thank God). It chronicles the beginning of their mission, as overseen by a scientist played by Adrienne Barbeau,... Continue »

I've been reading headlines about Avatar 2 and how the actors have reportedly held their breath for a long time. The claims are that Zoe Saldana held her breath for 5 minutes. Kate Winslet for 6 minutes. Sigourney Weaver for 6.5 minutes. WTF? I can hold my breath for like... 30 seconds. Of course, my lungs ain't what they used to be on account of my smoking habits, but they were never great to begin with.

So I looked up the record and they claim some dude "held his breath" for 24 minu... Continue »

Not to be confused with Alpha Dog (2006), this movie actually has canines in it. A couple's retreat turns sour after a werewolf bites Casper Van Dien, turning him into an asshole. Well, a bigger asshole than he was before.

Right off the bat, he's established as a jerk because he has a hot girlfriend, but a trip to a general store has him eying some other woman. Dude doesn't know a good thing when he has it. He seems disinterested in his woman most of the time, gradually turning into a mo... Continue »

It's amazing how much DC and Marvel rip each other off. If you didn't already know, DC is in shambles due to the WB/Discovery mess, and Marvel is an over-bloated powerhouse making some very questionable choices lately, but still... DC strives to emulate their success with some super cliche output. Dwayne Johnson promised that his Black Adam movie would be a game changer. Is it?

Black Panther^Adam is about a fictional African country that needs a hero with "Black" in the title,... Continue »

Remember when tornado movies were all the rage? Yeah, neither do I. But for some reason, regular tornados weren't cutting it anymore. That's why they needed to utilize some elemental nonsense, hence... Fire Twister!

Featuring the greatest actor in the world, Casper Van Dien, Fire Twister is a movie about a somehow manmade fire tornado that a fire fighter (Casper) and a group of something-or-others must put a stop to. But wait, there's more! There are also mercenaries in this movie trying to put... Continue »

Another October done and dusted. Firstly a big congrats to all of those who managed to complete the challenge and hit that magic 31 (and waaaayyyy beyond for many). I for one literally left it to the last minute . But well done 1. Ballz and 2. Vince for trouncing everyone again and also to Troma for the most FTVs. Here are the results in f... Continue »

1) Use IMDb ratings.
1.0 = 6 points.
1.1-1.9 = 5 points.
2.0-2.9 = 4 points.
3.0-3.9 = 3 points.
4.0-4.4 = 2 points
4.5-4.9 = 1 point.

2) First time view = 1 point.

3) Can be any genre.

4) Trifectas. Director actors, and series. For director and actors you can bunch siblings and parent / children or grandparent / grandchildren.

5) A movie can only count towards one trifecta.Single Trifecta - 5 pointsDouble Trifecta - 7 pointsTriple Trifecta - 9 pointsEtc.

6) 1 bonus p... Continue »

Rules:

> At least 31 horror films must be watched during the month of October. 16 of these must be FTVs (first time viewings).
> You get 1 "point" per movie watched.
> Runtime is 45 minutes minimum.
> Kiddy-friendly "Halloween themed" movies will be permitted as long as there is some element of horror or spooky fun, i.e. A Nightmare Before Christmas, Goosebumps, The Addams... Continue »

John Jarratt plays an eccentric weirdo psychopath who kills women because he had a bad childhood. Is this another Wolf Creek movie then? No, it's based on some random novel and he plays a very different serial killer than his Aussie-native Mick Taylor. He even has an American accent! His usual method is to garrote his victims with a steel wire and cut off their heads so he can put them in a glass jar. Sounds a bit messy, but if that's how he gets his kicks...

All is good fun for ol' John... Continue »

Based on the poster art I saw, I would expect this movie to be a body horror in the likes of The Incredible Melting Man or Monsturd. That's not what this movie is. Not at all.

Two dull archaeologists brag about unearthing some trinket from an Indian burial ground, and that usually entails some cliche shaman magic. The skeleton man appears and kills the shit out of them as soon as the movie starts. I guess he's supposed to be some vengeful spirit or something. He's dressed in a bla... Continue »

For those of us who have seen them all.

I can't say they're all as fresh in my mind as the new one, but I'm pretty sure this is where I stand...

Original
Halloween (2018)
Halloween Kills
Halloween Ends
Halloween 3
Halloween H2o
Halloween 2
Halloween 4
Halloween 5
Resurrection
Halloween 6

Not even remotely worth writing a review for, but thought I'd say something after giving this one yet another shot last night. Yeah, I'm just not feeling this one. Never will.

What the hell happened here? That was a pretty sweet trailer they had there, but what a mediocre, somewhat pointless attempt at keeping a series going. The first one is legendary for a reason. Genuinely scary. TCM2 was almost equally as good, but in a more crazy 80's slasher kinda way, which I think was a wise route to... Continue »

I'm not sure where to post this. I just think it's interesting. In anybody here is into Celtic stuff, or maybe if you ever went through a little period when you were into it and spent time googling Celtic stuff or clicking around about that topic on Wikipedia, you might enjoy this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olwen_Fou%C3%A9r%C3%A9

This lady was in Mandy. Apparently her parents were ethnic Bretons, from the Brittany area of France. It looks like they probably spoke the Breton Celtic la... Continue »

So I rewatched this for the first time in a long time. I was never a big fan of it but I never understood the hate for it at the same time. I think I do now in retrospect. The first half of the film isn't terrible imo, the cutoff point where it really goes downhill for me is after Michael escapes and kills Ken Foree in the rest stop bathroom stall. I am a big fan of McDowell and Dourif but they're wasted here. Sheri Moon is terrible and grating per usual. I recall liking 2 the Directors Cut bett... Continue »

If you like anthologies and/or found footage, this series never disappoints. The theme here is the year 1999, and we're plunged into stories about punk bands, sorority sluts, kids' game shows, the skater scene, and a trip straight to hell. I think all the segments were pretty good, but I can't delve too deep in them without giving away too much.


For those who have seen the movie, here are a few quick thoughts...


The punk band skit was a bit weak in comparison to the rest. Decent ideas... Continue »

I saw Halloween Ends for the third time today. This time in theaters. They really don't bother with picture quality anymore, and they never get the aspect ratios right. It's like they don't give a fuck, but anyway... I hope it can cross 100 million in the box office by the end of the month.

I rewatched the original and the new trilogy this month, and as single-minded as Myers may be, he never stops my brain from spinning new thoughts, so bear with me as I ramble.


In the beginning of H1 '78, w... Continue »

I don't care much for the 1984 movie, so there's no bias to dismiss this "remake", which is more adequately a "new adaptation". The movies play out very differently. This one feels more like Stephen King's X-Men.

The cast does a good job here. Zac Efron plays the dad, and he also has powers, along with the mother, who underwent some experiment in college, which explains that much. They live their lives with discretion, though the young girl is having a hard time dealing with her g... Continue »

Children of the Living Dead (2001) is the most retarded movie I have ever seen in my entire life. That is all. Kirk out.